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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28435425">End of 2020</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinomaple/pseuds/Shinomaple'>Shinomaple</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Thoughts - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:34:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>911</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28435425</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinomaple/pseuds/Shinomaple</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Thoughts, experiences, life.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>End of 2020</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hi.</p><p> </p><p>What a nice yet boring way to start this compilation of words that I will start to pour. I am a woman, living somewhere around the globe, surrounded by sea and, currently stepping in an apartment due to gravity, typing this.</p><p> </p><p>This year has been the worst, and NOT exactly the best year that has happened. This year purely consists of anxiety, depression, and a little laugh on the side. In the first half of the year, pandemic wasn't an event most people expected to happen. I mean, who would? First months of the year, we are bombarded with bad news, global news to be exact and that shit scared most of us ngl. People are transferring from country to country just to escape hell in a certain country but, we can't really escape it, yes? </p><p> </p><p>But, why am I typing this really?</p><p> </p><p>I want to type this rollercoaster 2020 life of mine to be able to leave it behind, though there are certain memories I wanna bring in welcoming 2021.</p><p> </p><p>My very first worry was graduation. I was met by a news that I might not be able to graduate personally due to the fact that I need to stay in a certain country. I shared it most with my friends, and my boyfriend but they told me not to worry. I am weeks behind classes, time passed by and gladly and thankfully, I was able to go back and continue my classes personally, and was able to graduate on time.</p><p> </p><p>My next worry was our retreat. The first day of our retreat, all I could think of was, "This will be mostly the last time I am able to spend my time with the love of my life," since I will spend the next 5 years of my life in another country and LDR isn't a joke at all. But, that thought ate me. All I could think was I'm pressured to make it the most memorable memory that I forgot to actually enjoy and let the time fly. Me and my bf fought on the first day we're there. Petty, yes. But, we made up on the next days and I tried changing my thoughts back then and just enjoy what is happening at the moment. And yup, it turned out to be one of the most unforgettable moments.</p><p> </p><p>Next worry was everyone's worry up until now. Pandemic. We were greeted by such a news, no one was prepared. All my plans in having despedida to my loved ones were completely gone. Actually, every plan that was made was wrecked by pandemic. Me and bro suddenly needed to fly home (I really can't call this a home tho) because if not then, then when will it be. Goodbyes weren't exactly what we thought we would happen. Sudden plane tickets were made. Rush to the airport, and only video calls happened. I am extremely homesick the moment I got here. This happened just months before graduation. I am having online classes away from everyone. Nice news, right? Fuck pandemic.</p><p> </p><p>When graduation happened, everyone didn't feel it unless with the changing of PFPs tho. Everyone changed theirs and that might be our small celebration that we finished college, fuck yeah. But of course, there will still be the shadow of the horror of pandemic. It was hard looking for jobs, especially out of country. I don't know a thing about this country. I don't know any company, any banks, anything! And entry level jobs are rare, and this is a much smaller country than where I was. Okay I am ranting but, yup it's hard and I don't wanna say anything about this anymore.</p><p> </p><p>The only laugh and serotonin boost I felt all this year was because of a game. At first I only played it to have a moment with my boyfriend since it is an mmorpg game, but as time goes, I met unexpected people. And some of those changed my year. Some stayed, some left, and some left a mark due to the painful goodbye. Just how far can online friends get lmao. I met people with different pasts, people same of my age, younger, and people with stories they wanna share. I also comforted a lot of pained souls, some I healed, some I just listened. And an unexpected thing also happened, I met a soulmate in friends category. We think the same, approach the same, and we're emotionally the same! But, unexpected things also happened, and goodbyes are meant to be said. I hope that person is okay tho. This all happened for around 6 months or so.</p><p> </p><p>Did I say earlier that LDR isn't a joke? It is really a topic no one is ready for. LDR is difficult af. There has been a time where we always fight for small things, and due to the distance, it's a lot harder to compromise and to make up. Add to that is we miss each other so much, and video calls can't make up for it. </p><p> </p><p>Finding a job is still my continuous worry. Finding a time when to go home is also a continuous worry because of pandemic. Me and my little brother miss home so much, but we can't cross borders that easily. My other brother is going home on first week of January, and the only thing we can say is, "Sana all."</p><p> </p><p>Sana all maka-uwi na. Sana all magkita na...</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you, and fuck you, 2020.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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